Leg 9 - Day 3 and 4 in New Orleans

I had the most amazing meal yesterday.

For brunch I had a meal by a James Beard award-winning chef at Compere Lapin in New Orleans.  I ate two of her specialty dishes.  They were some of the best food I have ever tasted.

The rest of the day I was so tired.  Whether it was because I ate too much, or that I walked so much the day before, I’m not sure.  But all I wanted to do was take a nap.  I had booked a paddlewheel tour at 2 pm and was trying to get to the Café Du Monde to get their famous beignets before my ship left.  I walked and walked looking for it, and when I finally found it, the line was so long I didn’t have time to wait.  Oh well, maybe tomorrow.

The paddlewheel cruise was nothing special.  The boat ride was not like the boat rides I enjoy.  I enjoy a boat ride that goes fast enough to watch the scenery change.  It doesn’t need to be class 5 rapids, but watching the shoreline change is what fascinates me.  This boat went slow and was so stable that the trip was uneventful.  It felt like a conveyor belt on the river.  There was a tour guide who spoke the whole time but gave us no history, just tried to be entertaining.  He talked like a radio/sports announcer - overly dramatic. Not my favorite way of hearing about the area where I am traveling.

The ship stopped at the site of the last battle of the War of 1812, where the Americans beat the British.  A park ranger told us the story of the battle.  I’m not that interested in hearing the details of war.  I was more interested in looking at the old oak trees and taking pictures of them.

The best part of this trip for me was the journey back when the tour guide told us the story of Hurricane Katrina and how it impacted New Orleans.  That was interesting and something I hadn’t heard details about before.

When I got back from that trip I went in search of Frenchman Street, looking for music and food.  I found that it was just a bunch of bars that had music inside.  Even though it makes sense to have cool places in the NO heat, I just don’t like being in a dark, cold hole during the day.  I went into one and listened to a couple songs.  The band didn’t stir me, so I left and wandered the streets some more.

Day Four in New Orleans

What do I want?

I am looking.  I am looking for what I want to do in the next chapter of my life.  Each place I visit, I ask myself if this is what I want.  So far on this trip it has been no. 

Yesterday I had three great experiences.  Let me preface this with:  I keep being around men who live, eat, and drink sports.  I wish I enjoyed something as much as men enjoy sports.  I ask myself:  what do I like to watch on tv as much as they like to watch sports?  The answer is…nothing.  I don’t like to watch anything on tv that long or that much.

What do I like to do?

What do I like to do?

What do I like to do?

Little clues.  The first one was a bar I stopped at on Bourbon Street because I was starving and having a hard time finding something to eat, believe it or not.  There were only four other people at the bar, so the bartender had time to chat with me.  She was beautiful, of course. Bartenders tend to be attractive people. It generates better tips.  I thought she looked late 20s.  We started chatting about the diversity of New Orleans and then she told me about her FOUR kids.  “Four”, I asked?  I was shocked - she didn’t look old enough.  Her oldest was 18!  Anyway, we chatted about life and choices, and hard lessons learned.  That’s all.  She didn’t give me any answers to my questions, but she gave me something as precious to me — connection.

Another clue:  I had been planning on visiting a psychic while I was in New Orleans.  I like things like that, and New Orleans, with all its ghosts and haunts, is ripe with psychics.  With a psychic, however, you need a question that they can find an answer to. There are many questions I would like answers to, and I didn’t know how to limit myself to just one.  Just outside the door of this bar there was a tarot reader.  This will be perfect, I thought, because then I don’t have to ask a question.  I had her do a reading for me.  I don’t remember all the pieces of the reading, but basically what I got out of it is that I am going to come out of my grief.  I am going to make it.  It might be obvious to you that I am going to make it, but at that time, it wasn’t obvious to me.  It felt like this dark hole was going to hold me down forever.

According to my reading, I will end up with a collaborative partnership of some kind.  It may be just with myself – finding a way to be at peace with both sides of myself.  I will find strength and resilience.  I know many people think tarot readings are silly, and that these answers could apply to anyone in any situation.  But it speaks to me.  She gave me hope that I will find something in the next chapter in my life worth living for.

The last clue:  I stopped by another bar on my walk back to the hotel. (I shouldn’t stay in New Orleans…it would be bad for my liver.)  I was the only person in the bar, so the young female bartender and I started chatting.  I told her my story, as it appears I need to do to everyone I meet on this trip.  That’s okay, it is part of my processing.  She said she was inspired by my travel plan, and someday she hoped to do it as well.  I like that I inspired her.  And she had experienced the death of someone close to her.  As we were talking, she said the words that only people who have experienced death know, so I asked what her experience was.  She told me about her brother dying young from a skiing accident.  (The words that only people who have experienced death of someone very close are “how far out are you?”)  She also has a tree tattoo on her arm (as do I).  The point of this conversation for me, again, was connection.  Women are empathetic and willing to talk about emotional things.  I like that.  I need that.

I want connection.  With people who are willing to do a deep dive emotionally.  And I need hope.  Hope that the next chapter of life will have some happiness in it.